Share
Preview
Leaving is so hard
 ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌
 
Thursday, December 2
 
When I was a little girl, I remember Thanksgiving as being one of my favorite holidays. It was especially fun if we headed to the Pittsburgh area to visit my grandparents. Although my grandparents lived in a rather quiet suburb of the city, it was much more exciting than the rural environment I was accustomed to.  For a few days, we’d spend time with our grandparents, eat meals together, talk about what we wanted for Christmas, and flip through the various family albums my grandma had collected and filled full of photos of all her children, grandchildren and some great-grandchildren.

There was a feeling of belonging that I will never forget about my grandparent’s house. It wasn’t fancy or big. There were very few toys to play with. But somehow, in the smell of the food my grandmother cooked, in the laughter and chatter of the whole family sharing together; I knew that this was a place that I was loved and belonged to something bigger than myself.

The hardest thing about going to my grandparent’s home for the holiday was piling back into our family sedan and heading home at the end of the weekend. Being at my grandparent’s home was something that I never wanted to end. To help me get into the car, my grandfather would hand me some shiny quarters and say, “Hold on to these till I see you next time.” I’d hug him so tightly, but eventually I would slump into the back seat between my brother and sister, and I’d try to nap to hide the tears in my eyes as we pulled out of their driveway and begin the drive back home.

“One thing that I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life.”

There are times in life so rich with meaning and emotion that we never want them to end. Sadly, each day is filled with not just beginnings, but endings as well. Years later, after the passing of my grandfather, I remember the moment when the funeral director called the family forward to say their final farewells to him. I approached the coffin, recalling all the good memories of Thanksgivings past with my Grandpap. He gave me many quarters throughout our relationship, but beyond the quarters he gave me his love, his laughter, his songs, and his assurance that I belonged somewhere.  As I stood there in the flood of memories, I remembered what it was like to have to leave him at the end of our visits. Only this time, his spirit had departed ahead of me.

I took out a quarter from my pocket and laid it the palm of his hand. “Grandpap, thank you for giving me all those quarters to hold on to, here is one you can hold till the next time we’re together.”

In that moment, I better understood the feeling of belonging and the desire I had to never leave my grandparent’s house. Part of the feeling of belonging I’d experienced was connected to the faith we held in common. It was possible for me to walk away from his funeral that day knowing that we would always have a home in heaven together. Someday, I believe we’ll be together again.

I often wish I could live as if the quarters never run out, the sun never sets, and that the family holiday never ends; but the truth is that the coins do get spent, the sun sets and sooner or later you have to get back in the car and head back home from the holiday.  Life has moments of both sadness and beauty, but God, whether we realize it or not, is always present with us. God doesn’t need to give me any quarters - because he’s always with me as I dance, in sorrow and in joy, on the road of life.
Rev. Tara Lamont Eastman is the pastor of King of Kings Lutheran Church in Liverpool, NY. She combines her love of ministry with her love of writing, music and visual arts in numerous projects locally in Western New York and nationally. She is a graduate of Wartburg Theological Seminary’s Theological Education for Emerging Ministry Program and the Youth and Theology Certificate Program at Princeton Seminary, and recently completed the Fellowship for Emerging Leaders in Ministry. She has served in various ministry roles over the last twenty-five years in the fields of ministry, writing, visual art and music. Tara is the creator/host of Holy Shenanigans Podcast. (https://holyshenanigans.buzzsprout.com/)
 
 
As Christians, we live in this world with our eyes set on the next. Our feeling of belonging starts with our identity in Christ, which is the ultimate belonging, one that exists even into eternity. We wait in joyful hope for the day we join the communion of saints in heaven. Pray for someone you have lost, a spiritual work of mercy.

Family conversation: Describe a family memory that is precious to you.